This is not about me turning gay. I am pretty sure I am not. And I will save you the Seinfeld line here. I am not gay. Maybe it is just all the Phillip Roth I have been reading lately. Too much Zuckerman. But I have been looking at men lately. Taking a good look. Like never before. Really looking at men. Almost for the first time.
I like men. I like being a man. I have a pretty good definition of men. It is pretty broad and open. Very accepting. I feel for men. I feel the pain of being man. The conflict of maleness. How hard it can be to be a man. Difficult job that never ends.
For me, it is what life is about. Being a man. Hard work. Nasty stuff. It is a cold cruel world. It moves fast. It is always changing and the world always wants more. And there is not much help out there.
It is a confusing, rule oriented, demanding no excuse world. As Frank Sinatra would sing, you’re riding high in April, shot down in May. Nothing lasts and like any good prize fighter we are judged by our will to get off the mat, try again knowing another punch is sure to come, and knowing that there is a punch to come that could end it all.
This is what I think about when I look at other men. As I do, I wonder…how is their fight coming along. What do they fear, how do they cope and how do they get through their day. How is the world treating them.
I see slight answers in how they dress, how they walk, how they hold themselves. I notice that more men limp. More men seem to carry pain. I see some men that are behind on points in the fight, I see some men that look undefeated, and I see some men that look like they cannot take another round.
And I worry about them. And I forgive them. And I want them all to find happiness and above all acceptance.
More and more I notice how life is not good to men. We are most likely not like the guys on TV. We typically are either not that pretty or that stupid. I have never asked any other man, but I sure do not like the way we look on TV. We are not as simple as that. We are dealing with way more fear and confusion than TV portrays.
So I go through my days, take my punches and punch back at the invisible foe from behind my guard. I seek shelter in my corner. I take refuge in my castle and thank my lucky stars that there is someone in my corner who loves men, knows my pain and sometimes even clears a path for me and sheds light on another way and at times understands why I sometimes cannot take that path even though I know it is better.
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About Me
- fragment G
- Spend an inordinate amount of time wondering what super power it would be best to have, and sometimes trying REAL hard to see if I already have it. Sometimes I wish it was the ability to spell
5 comments:
Your huMANity will get you through lifes trials, which you handle with grace and wit and wisdom.
life's trials is what I meant.
The first paragraph was enough for me to stop reading. When you come out, please do not come out to me...
For the record, I did read it all. I like it, the ongoing Feminist movement often detracts from the struggle that it is to be a man. I recall our road trip to Palm Desert circa 2002, we got a flat on I5 through Oregon; it was about 32.9 F degrees and "wintery mix" as they call it. You and I went out to change the tire in the horrific conditions. While bundled up in the back of the car Melissa said something to the effect of," I'm so glad I am a woman." I am by no means opposed to the gains women have made through the feminist movement, but let's face it, some jobs are just always done by men and always will be.
Phew - you got me going. Great topic and thanks for stimulating such thought.
Although I'm not christian, your writing reminds me of how Jesus might have seen humanity in general. Or other great figures. There is something also Buddhist in your writing, a compassion in your writing which speaks of an enlightened being. Who wrote this for you?! :)
It is sad and pitiable that anyone would take their cues on how to be a man from any Hollywood fictionalized portrayal of men.
Sometimes it seems like being a man means being destined to be self-reliant and face loneliness and despair - some men will fail those trials - and often society views this as a sign of weakness and is merciless.
But knowing souls realize that trials are not close-ended affairs, that the fight is never ending, that it is not weakness but strength to ask for aid, and willingly accept it, though guardedly. However, it is perhaps a "male" virtue to never give up in the face of adversity and damn the consequences.
Ancient Greek or Roman ideals (and Hindu also) of strength, stoicism, valour, honor, and duty - these seem to resonate with all men everywhere.
It is funny how "fighting" and "battle" seem to come up when discussing "men". It is almost the Klingon in men. It is in men's hearts to compete and conquer and destroy - but an even greater virtue in men is to recognize and understand the pain in others and offer aid.
It is also misunderstood that it is a male virtue to seek aid when the fight is too difficult, and accept aid, even when unasked for, when needed. What women often don't understand is that men are programmed to believe that often accepting help isn't just a sign of weakness, but it breeds weakness, because it does not force you to develop your own strength.
There is a lot to say on this topic now that I am going but I am out of time and probably anyone reading this is too.
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