Being a Man or The Joy of Knowing You are Wrong, but You Know Somehow There is No Other Path for You

Frank Sinatra started out as a crooner that made the teeny bopper girls wilt. Maybe that is his legacy, I don’t know, but for me I think he ended up as a Man’s Man singer. A singer that made men sit up, listen and take quiet comfort in knowing that all the stupid things they have done as men, the stubborn, the stupid, the self indulgent were worth the price paid.

My I-pod just played Paul Anka’s version of My Way. It stopped me in my tracks and made me set the dial back twice and listen, and listen with stupid man satisfaction.

Because no matter what kind of nickel dime world we each think we are king of, we all know and appreciate how we got here and I know I am proud of my path, my choices and my location. And I even think that the guy I will pass tonight on the off ramp with the cardboard sign will have a similar feeling.

I made a post a while back (that I will repost right behind this one) about men and the rough life we live. And to stop any confusion and harassment – Yeah, I agree, women have it tough as well - it is just that a) I am not qualified to talk or address their issues and b) hetero-sexual wise they have to deal with men.

But to BE a MAN one MUST live life knowing the words of My Way, and quite frankly I have to say, and I think most men (the ones I enjoy being around) will say you ain’t shit if you haven’t actively acted out some of that song.

This is to say being a man means that times will come when YOU KNOW what the world wants of you, you KNOW how a reasonable person would react to the issue, BUT you have this inner voice, this voice you know causes trouble for you, but YOU KNOW you are gonna side with it – World be Damned.

It is not always an anger thing, but it can be. Most of the time (at least for me) it is a quiet choice. You know it is going to cost you, you know “things” (meaning the short term world) will be better if you don’t, but the VOICE says so, and you do so. And it makes you feel better and you can indeed spend the rest of your life ….proud.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

I am proud to be on my feet, I am proud of the blows taken and am quite looking forward to the next series of blows. Bring them on, I can take it.

Now here are all the lyrics:

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Men, A repost to go with the post above

This is not about me turning gay. I am pretty sure I am not. And I will save you the Seinfeld line here. I am not gay. Maybe it is just all the Phillip Roth I have been reading lately. Too much Zuckerman. But I have been looking at men lately. Taking a good look. Like never before. Really looking at men. Almost for the first time.

I like men. I like being a man. I have a pretty good definition of men. It is pretty broad and open. Very accepting. I feel for men. I feel the pain of being man. The conflict of maleness. How hard it can be to be a man. Difficult job that never ends.

For me, it is what life is about. Being a man. Hard work. Nasty stuff. It is a cold cruel world. It moves fast. It is always changing and the world always wants more. And there is not much help out there.

It is a confusing, rule oriented, demanding no excuse world. As Frank Sinatra would sing, you’re riding high in April, shot down in May. Nothing lasts and like any good prize fighter we are judged by our will to get off the mat, try again knowing another punch is sure to come, and knowing that there is a punch to come that could end it all.

This is what I think about when I look at other men. As I do, I wonder…how is their fight coming along. What do they fear, how do they cope and how do they get through their day. How is the world treating them.

I see slight answers in how they dress, how they walk, how they hold themselves. I notice that more men limp. More men seem to carry pain. I see some men that are behind on points in the fight, I see some men that look undefeated, and I see some men that look like they cannot take another round.

And I worry about them. And I forgive them. And I want them all to find happiness and above all acceptance.

More and more I notice how life is not good to men. We are most likely not like the guys on TV. We typically are either not that pretty or that stupid. I have never asked any other man, but I sure do not like the way we look on TV. We are not as simple as that. We are dealing with way more fear and confusion than TV portrays.

So I go through my days, take my punches and punch back at the invisible foe from behind my guard. I seek shelter in my corner. I take refuge in my castle and thank my lucky stars that there is someone in my corner who loves men, knows my pain and sometimes even clears a path for me and sheds light on another way and at times understands why I sometimes cannot take that path even though I know it is better.